Category Archives: Politics

Where Have You Gone, Bill the Cat?

Posted on by .
Leave a reply

Editor’s Note: Notice the people you knew who slept through high school civics and changed their university major to forestry to avoid college civics have become experts on the Constitution, the Electoral College and political issues of all sorts? They know things. They’re also allowed to vote and drive and birth humans. Yea, your fear is real.

Vote and Vote Often.

Citizens pressed forward to get a glimpse. The front-runner from Cromwell County mounted a contentious, arduous campaign, and with the polls opening in less than 24 hours, his election as state legislator was all but assured. The Bowie Review & Caller was on the scene.

“Helluva a candidate, I say. One HELLuva a candidate,” said Dexter Bottomfeed, long-time political consultant and full-time backslapper, wingman and good buddy. “Bar none. We’re no longer taking names. Gerald P. McGillicuddy will be the finest legislator from Jackson County who’s ever roamed the statehouse.”

“Cromwell County?” said Bonnie Truthfinder, recent graduate of the Texas State School of Journalism and now political reporter. “You just said Jackson County.”

“Didn’t I say Cromwell?  Dang. After 20 years, these elections start to run together. Jackson County was last year,” he said. “Well, no matter the county, we all need a Gerald P. The finest man and the finest candidate I’ve ever had the pleasure of representing.”

“Pleasure, I’m sure. You’re declaration, I’m not sure. How much is he paying you?

“Balderdash and folderol. The campaign has nothing to do with compensation. It’s about providing effective leadership to the most downtrodden of our citizens, the disaffected middle class and the hardworking wage earners desperately clawing their way back from the abyss of social decay and economic calamity.”

Read more →

No One Puts Salsa in the Corner

Posted on by .
1 Reply

Editor’s Note: I wrote the following a couple of years ago, but before I posted, the furor died. And I lost interest. Then a pandemic struck. And with it came idle time. So I dusted off the piece and considered recently acquired context. A fall trip to Pigeon Forge, TN, and a visit to a souvenir shop filled with “I Stand Before the Flag, and Kneel Before the Cross” merchandise. Some folks don’t let go. And they had baby goats.

Can I Pet the Goats?

You’re watching the NFL on television and see players kneel during the national anthem. Or raise a fist. Or discover some remained in the tunnel or locker room. Your blood boils. You’re miffed. You’re insulted. Those pampered athletes, with perfect abs – that’s what’s really in your craw – who make seven-figure incomes, adored by men and women alike, who play a child’s game, are insulting those who serve in the military.

You don’t buy into civil disobedience. The players say they protest to bring awareness to racial injustice. You say folderol. They say discrimination remains a plague on society and want to use their platform, before millions of viewers, to remind us of its existence. You say anything outside of standing at attention during the national anthem is unpatriotic. Both sides cry out they’re exercising their First Amendment rights.

So you boycott the NFL. Sunday afternoons trashed because your house no longer is filled with family and friends watching their beloved team. Adults who didn’t pay attention during high school civics, who can’t recall the number of stripes on Old Glory, who can’t explain the difference between a crossing pattern and a down-and-out. No more fans staring with contempt at one another. Some with Pat Boone singing “America” as a ring tone glaring at those with degrees in Belgian literature.

Honey? More El Diablo Tango sauce for the wings?

So you’ve made up your mind. No more NFL. No way you’re supporting an organization that stands by while its players insult the military, the flag and Pat Boone. You can’t spell discrimination, much less pronounce it, and deep down know the protest isn’t about the military. But you go with the crowd because everyone supports puppies, the elderly and the military. The POTUS even backs you. And we all know he wouldn’t use cultural drama to distract from his ongoing soap opera.

Read more →