Category Archives: Opinion

From Here to Isolation

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Editor’s Note: While for many the following unfortunately is not the case, those in my world remain well and the experience of isolation, surreal for sure, has been an observation of human behavior. Whether it’s folks in denial while shopping without masks, or protesters defying social distancing on the steps of government buildings. Whether it’s reruns of the 1978 MLB season or Katy Perry’s wardrobe on American Idol At Home. The mind wanders. Hey, I just organized my sock drawer by color.

Is it strange I schedule my day around the evening news?

CENTRAL FLORIDA – Self-exile. We’d think I was an embattled Shah or Justin Bieber, but no. My county has stay-at-home orders with a broad definition of essential services. Only massage parlors, tattoo shops and barbers, the only true essentials, are closed. I’m simply home and working remote because I’m on the low end of the at-risk category and somebody out there loves me. But it hasn’t been without raised eyebrow.

The learning curve has been steep. And I’m either annoyed or hungry. Then again I’m always hungry. Bottom line? People are nuts. How anyone survived outside the womb is beyond me. Perhaps people survived childhood by eating paint chips, perhaps THEY were correct about fluoride in the water. No matter, everyone is nuts. And Dr. Anthony Fauci will save us.

Clothing. Or do the goldfish make me look fat?

I haven’t worn pants in six weeks. Not Terry Bradshaw full nude around the fish tank, but rather shorts versus jeans. And I’ve discovered cargo shorts can hold three dog leashes, collars and treats. Four unused environmentally friendly doggie poop bags. Seven used fabric sheets for the dryer. Two remote controls. One bottled water. Seven days of mail, and one Hunter S. Thompson paperback. A stapler, wrench and double-sided tape. One package of peanut butter crackers. Double A batteries, chicken bones and nail clippers. Did I mention I forgot how to tie my shoes?

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No One Puts Salsa in the Corner

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Editor’s Note: I wrote the following a couple of years ago, but before I posted, the furor died. And I lost interest. Then a pandemic struck. And with it came idle time. So I dusted off the piece and considered recently acquired context. A fall trip to Pigeon Forge, TN, and a visit to a souvenir shop filled with “I Stand Before the Flag, and Kneel Before the Cross” merchandise. Some folks don’t let go. And they had baby goats.

Can I Pet the Goats?

You’re watching the NFL on television and see players kneel during the national anthem. Or raise a fist. Or discover some remained in the tunnel or locker room. Your blood boils. You’re miffed. You’re insulted. Those pampered athletes, with perfect abs – that’s what’s really in your craw – who make seven-figure incomes, adored by men and women alike, who play a child’s game, are insulting those who serve in the military.

You don’t buy into civil disobedience. The players say they protest to bring awareness to racial injustice. You say folderol. They say discrimination remains a plague on society and want to use their platform, before millions of viewers, to remind us of its existence. You say anything outside of standing at attention during the national anthem is unpatriotic. Both sides cry out they’re exercising their First Amendment rights.

So you boycott the NFL. Sunday afternoons trashed because your house no longer is filled with family and friends watching their beloved team. Adults who didn’t pay attention during high school civics, who can’t recall the number of stripes on Old Glory, who can’t explain the difference between a crossing pattern and a down-and-out. No more fans staring with contempt at one another. Some with Pat Boone singing “America” as a ring tone glaring at those with degrees in Belgian literature.

Honey? More El Diablo Tango sauce for the wings?

So you’ve made up your mind. No more NFL. No way you’re supporting an organization that stands by while its players insult the military, the flag and Pat Boone. You can’t spell discrimination, much less pronounce it, and deep down know the protest isn’t about the military. But you go with the crowd because everyone supports puppies, the elderly and the military. The POTUS even backs you. And we all know he wouldn’t use cultural drama to distract from his ongoing soap opera.

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