Tag Archives: Humor

Where Have You Gone, Bill the Cat?

Posted on by .
Leave a reply

Editor’s Note: Notice the people you knew who slept through high school civics and changed their university major to forestry to avoid college civics have become experts on the Constitution, the Electoral College and political issues of all sorts? They know things. They’re also allowed to vote and drive and birth humans. Yea, your fear is real.

Vote and Vote Often.

Citizens pressed forward to get a glimpse. The front-runner from Cromwell County mounted a contentious, arduous campaign, and with the polls opening in less than 24 hours, his election as state legislator was all but assured. The Bowie Review & Caller was on the scene.

“Helluva a candidate, I say. One HELLuva a candidate,” said Dexter Bottomfeed, long-time political consultant and full-time backslapper, wingman and good buddy. “Bar none. We’re no longer taking names. Gerald P. McGillicuddy will be the finest legislator from Jackson County who’s ever roamed the statehouse.”

“Cromwell County?” said Bonnie Truthfinder, recent graduate of the Texas State School of Journalism and now political reporter. “You just said Jackson County.”

“Didn’t I say Cromwell?  Dang. After 20 years, these elections start to run together. Jackson County was last year,” he said. “Well, no matter the county, we all need a Gerald P. The finest man and the finest candidate I’ve ever had the pleasure of representing.”

“Pleasure, I’m sure. You’re declaration, I’m not sure. How much is he paying you?

“Balderdash and folderol. The campaign has nothing to do with compensation. It’s about providing effective leadership to the most downtrodden of our citizens, the disaffected middle class and the hardworking wage earners desperately clawing their way back from the abyss of social decay and economic calamity.”

Read more →

Journalism: No More Funny Business

Posted on by .
Leave a reply

Editor’s Note: The following story by Jeffrey Rembert was posted by FORWARD Florida on its website under Blog on July 6, 2017.

Trump, Flamingos and Provocateurs

Today’s politics is like a daily trip to the circus with clowns piling out of the car. There’s seemingly no end. A social studies exercise gone awry. The joke keeps on giving, and everyone is in on the joke.

So how does one stand alone?  Set themselves apart when everyone is telling the same joke.  Then it occurred to me.  I was lookin’ for humor in all the wrong places. Lookin’ for humor in too many faces. Searchin’ their eyes. Lookin’ for traces … And that was just a televised White House press briefing.

FullSizeRender.jpg-640x360

Then I heard an all too familiar voice booming from the corner office of the newsroom. And it wasn’t Johnny Lee. And she didn’t need a mic.

“No more mister nice guy. The gloves are off. Call us fake news. Call us enemy of the American people. Body slam our reporters. Well, that party is over.” My publisher was in a touchy mood.

Two things could explain her outburst. One, either the Keurig was broken. Or two, some hapless journalist was caught staring out the window. So I took another sip of my coffee, as I brought my own, and closed the blinds. Hard to concentrate on a black bear cub mauling a pink flamingo yard ornament across the street when files are being thrashed about the newsroom.

“We’ve been playing it safe way too long. Let’s make everyone happy. Let’s bring people together. Let’s support the military industrial complex,” then she took a deep breath. “How about let’s not? No more goody two shoes. No more dear sweet Pollyanna. I want edgy. I want controversial. I want provocative.” Read more →

Florida Takes Center Stage at GOP Debate

Posted on by .
Leave a reply

Editor’s Note: The following story by Jeffrey Rembert was posted by FORWARD Florida on its website as a Blog on September 21, 2015.

Was there anyone left in Florida last Wednesday night? Or, was the state’s entire population at the Reagan Library in Simi Valley for the second Republican primary debate? Ok, so that was an exaggeration. Only the 35% of the state’s voters, those registered as Republicans, attended. More on that soon enough.

With The Walking Dead television marathon unavailable, I devoted my Wednesday evening to the debate. And after more than four hours of watching 15 candidates squabble over issues while a 16th candidate, with an approval rating consisting of his wife and three fishing buddies, watched from his Virginia basement, I can attest little differs between the CNN “reality show” and a zombie apocalypse.

Read more →

#NationalSoWhatDay

Posted on by .
Leave a reply

Editor’s Note: The following story by Jeffrey Rembert was posted by FORWARD Florida on its website as a Blog on September 16, 2015.

Social media applies grinding pressure to journalists accustomed to gazing out windows in search of inspiration. Now late-afternoon deadlines are mere follow-ups to the day-long deadlines imparted by posting, tweeting and pinning, and the need to treat each day as #NationalSomethingDay has made irrelevant the important days like the opening of the livestock show and publication of Sports Illustrated’s swimsuit issue.

Hashtags elevate importance. Anything following a hashtag has immediate prominence and relevance to our existence. Like getting approval from People. But more likely hashtags are coding designed to manipulate our minds. In fact, I made it halfway through the first Friday in June before thunder roared on an otherwise clear day. Lights flickered, wall decor shook, the art director’s cat actually moved. Did the deity of social media demand favor?

Read more →

Not Your Average Top 10 List

Posted on by .
Leave a reply

Editor’s Note:  The following story by Jeffrey Rembert was posted by FORWARD Florida on its website as a Blog on August 3, 2015.

Was a time when people subscribed to print news for the articles, editorials and columns, the vast information written by seasoned journalists and readily available simply by walking to the curb before morning coffee. Then Pluto fell out of favor with the astronomy club and was demoted to dwarf planet. On Earth the print media began an excruciating demise and the 24-hour news cycle was born. Coincidence? I think not.

As a result the modern day subscriber, short on time and technologically savvy, developed a never-to-be-satisfied need for content in short takes on media websites, Facebook and Twitter, to name a few. Newsprint be damned. It became about RAM and speed and updates on the Kardashian girls. Quick bits of important information, streaming live to one’s phone, desktop, laptop and wristwatch.

But even filling space with pseudo news can’t help print media keep up with Billy McGuffin’s middle school blog. He has the inside source on the latest school district scandal involving an overzealous science teacher and hydroponic hallucinogenic crops. Billy taunts the traditional media with hourly updates from the basement of his parents’ house. Only a 10 p.m. curfew abates his fury.

Read more →

Mother’s Day Remembrance of One Who Cut a Path

Posted on by .
4 Replies

The following piece originally was posted June 15, 2013, on my first blog “If You Knew the Voices in My Head.”  With the discovery of old photographs (and the nostalgia that accompanies such a discovery) and my youngest daughter a year away from joining my oldest daughter as a college graduate, I thought it time to revisit the piece.

A Car Ride From the Airport and Small Talk

On the way home from the airport my college-age daughter and I discussed the now completed spring semester of her freshman year. It had gone well. She continued to make new friends, took interesting classes, experienced all she could experience in the diverse environment of a well-regarded university. She took a classical course load where her understanding and appreciation of society was stretched as her academic skills were enhanced.

Mom 1950sThe conversation was the small talk of car rides that follow a day of getting to, through and around airports from one end of the country to the other. How was the semester? How were finals? How was the flight? Mind bending stuff. And during our conversation we found ourselves discussing the past spring break when she enjoyed much-desired sun in the backyard while reading two books addressing distinct schools of thought. One book on feminism and one book on cultural conservatism. Truly mind bending.

Politics aside it was encouraging to hear she was exploring various views. And during our car-ride conversation she said she had come to realize just how far women have progressed in the past 100 years. How past generations fought for the right to vote. How past generations fought for equal participation in society. Yet the changes are subtle when viewed as single efforts yet significant when viewed collectively. It’s a shame we today don’t readily discuss these efforts with our young women in any place other than the classroom.

Read more →

How NFL and Fantasy Football Can Enhance Education

Posted on by .
Leave a reply

A Tool to Improve Math Scores

While reviewing emails from a Nigerian prince, perusing Canadian pharmaceutical options and considering how my morning coffee companion in Florida was mugged one hour later in London, I came across a short piece in the Los Angeles Times. According to the piece, Mark Waller, NFL chief marketing officer, said to The Wall Street Journal, “We’re also trying to work with groups to get the concept of fantasy based into the curriculum of elementary schools. If you love football and you teach them math through football, the chances are you may teach them better math and more quickly.”

Read more →