Tag Archives: florida

Where Have You Gone, Bill the Cat?

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Editor’s Note: Notice the people you knew who slept through high school civics and changed their university major to forestry to avoid college civics have become experts on the Constitution, the Electoral College and political issues of all sorts? They know things. They’re also allowed to vote and drive and birth humans. Yea, your fear is real.

Vote and Vote Often.

Citizens pressed forward to get a glimpse. The front-runner from Cromwell County mounted a contentious, arduous campaign, and with the polls opening in less than 24 hours, his election as state legislator was all but assured. The Bowie Review & Caller was on the scene.

“Helluva a candidate, I say. One HELLuva a candidate,” said Dexter Bottomfeed, long-time political consultant and full-time backslapper, wingman and good buddy. “Bar none. We’re no longer taking names. Gerald P. McGillicuddy will be the finest legislator from Jackson County who’s ever roamed the statehouse.”

“Cromwell County?” said Bonnie Truthfinder, recent graduate of the Texas State School of Journalism and now political reporter. “You just said Jackson County.”

“Didn’t I say Cromwell?  Dang. After 20 years, these elections start to run together. Jackson County was last year,” he said. “Well, no matter the county, we all need a Gerald P. The finest man and the finest candidate I’ve ever had the pleasure of representing.”

“Pleasure, I’m sure. You’re declaration, I’m not sure. How much is he paying you?

“Balderdash and folderol. The campaign has nothing to do with compensation. It’s about providing effective leadership to the most downtrodden of our citizens, the disaffected middle class and the hardworking wage earners desperately clawing their way back from the abyss of social decay and economic calamity.”

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Writer’s Block

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Editor’s Note: The following story by Jeff Rembert was posted by Ghost Parachute: A Literary Magazine on its website under Blog on May 20, 2020.

You’re staring at the screen, and you’ve got nothing. Your mind is a void. You type random words and hope a coherent sentence emerges. Still nothing. Your cat gives it a shot with words of her invention and does so with steadfast confidence. Still incoherent, but your cat doesn’t care. Your frustration continues unabated. In your cat’s eyes, you’re simply a dog. Good luck with that.

Futile efforts, cat judgement, emptiness of thought and desire are common. The origin of this state of inability remains unknown to scientists, literary professors and writing coaches. Politicians blame Belgium. Your father blames your mother’s side of the family. Your mother says something about a real father. While theories fail to adequately explain the malady, it continues to rage through writing communities, literary groups and freelance sweatshops.

And no one is immune. You have what some call writer’s block.

Writer’s block affects the young and old, the experienced and inexperienced, short story writers and novelists, romantic writers and fantasy apocalyptic authors (same thing), English undergrads and MFAs. Writer’s block doesn’t recognize borders, culture, race or political parties. It affects those with and without the latest technology. Starbucks patrons are particularly susceptible.

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Why Start A Literary Group?

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Editor’s Note: The following story by Jeff Rembert was posted by GHOST PARACHUTE – A LITERARY MAGAZINE on its website under Blog on December 20, 2019.

You’re new to the writing game. Someone in your past said you had talent, but life got in the way. Family, career, bills and discouragement kept you away from the keyboard. Only recently you made the commitment to sidestep obstacles and put your thoughts on paper. You’ve a laptop, ideas and a dream. You’ll carve out time. But the quest can be lonely, frustrating, mind-numbing, for anonymity and solitude lay in your path. You need a community of like-minded individuals.

It’s common for newbie writers to seek guidance from the experienced and support from those also getting started. But getting five minutes of productive conversation from authors at book festivals is problematic. Holiday meals with family, after bringing up your burgeoning writing career, results in encouragement yet no real understanding. Aunt Gracie is impressed but her writing career fizzled high school senior year. Rather than retreat crestfallen to your study and labors, perhaps you form a community. A hybrid. A combination writing group and an open mic.

After a career in journalism and public relations, and years away from the keyboard, I discovered a friend was a closeted writer. No one knew outside his family, and his efforts focused on fictitious holiday updates. We learned in the ensuing years he’s a talented comedic writer with a gift for dialogue and off-beat characters. But at first, upon learning of each other’s desire to write, we spent coffee hours simply discussing the craft and sharing our efforts. And once we learned all we could from one another we sought the input of other writers. Those writers seeking a group where we could share ideas and inspiration. Perhaps collaborate.

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From Here to Isolation

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Editor’s Note: While for many the following unfortunately is not the case, those in my world remain well and the experience of isolation, surreal for sure, has been an observation of human behavior. Whether it’s folks in denial while shopping without masks, or protesters defying social distancing on the steps of government buildings. Whether it’s reruns of the 1978 MLB season or Katy Perry’s wardrobe on American Idol At Home. The mind wanders. Hey, I just organized my sock drawer by color.

Is it strange I schedule my day around the evening news?

CENTRAL FLORIDA – Self-exile. We’d think I was an embattled Shah or Justin Bieber, but no. My county has stay-at-home orders with a broad definition of essential services. Only massage parlors, tattoo shops and barbers, the only true essentials, are closed. I’m simply home and working remote because I’m on the low end of the at-risk category and somebody out there loves me. But it hasn’t been without raised eyebrow.

The learning curve has been steep. And I’m either annoyed or hungry. Then again I’m always hungry. Bottom line? People are nuts. How anyone survived outside the womb is beyond me. Perhaps people survived childhood by eating paint chips, perhaps THEY were correct about fluoride in the water. No matter, everyone is nuts. And Dr. Anthony Fauci will save us.

Clothing. Or do the goldfish make me look fat?

I haven’t worn pants in six weeks. Not Terry Bradshaw full nude around the fish tank, but rather shorts versus jeans. And I’ve discovered cargo shorts can hold three dog leashes, collars and treats. Four unused environmentally friendly doggie poop bags. Seven used fabric sheets for the dryer. Two remote controls. One bottled water. Seven days of mail, and one Hunter S. Thompson paperback. A stapler, wrench and double-sided tape. One package of peanut butter crackers. Double A batteries, chicken bones and nail clippers. Did I mention I forgot how to tie my shoes?

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Journalism: No More Funny Business

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Editor’s Note: The following story by Jeffrey Rembert was posted by FORWARD Florida on its website under Blog on July 6, 2017.

Trump, Flamingos and Provocateurs

Today’s politics is like a daily trip to the circus with clowns piling out of the car. There’s seemingly no end. A social studies exercise gone awry. The joke keeps on giving, and everyone is in on the joke.

So how does one stand alone?  Set themselves apart when everyone is telling the same joke.  Then it occurred to me.  I was lookin’ for humor in all the wrong places. Lookin’ for humor in too many faces. Searchin’ their eyes. Lookin’ for traces … And that was just a televised White House press briefing.

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Then I heard an all too familiar voice booming from the corner office of the newsroom. And it wasn’t Johnny Lee. And she didn’t need a mic.

“No more mister nice guy. The gloves are off. Call us fake news. Call us enemy of the American people. Body slam our reporters. Well, that party is over.” My publisher was in a touchy mood.

Two things could explain her outburst. One, either the Keurig was broken. Or two, some hapless journalist was caught staring out the window. So I took another sip of my coffee, as I brought my own, and closed the blinds. Hard to concentrate on a black bear cub mauling a pink flamingo yard ornament across the street when files are being thrashed about the newsroom.

“We’ve been playing it safe way too long. Let’s make everyone happy. Let’s bring people together. Let’s support the military industrial complex,” then she took a deep breath. “How about let’s not? No more goody two shoes. No more dear sweet Pollyanna. I want edgy. I want controversial. I want provocative.” Read more →

Local Writing Group Has Become a Major Inspiration for UCF Affiliates

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Editor’s Note:  The following story by up-and-coming journalist RACHEL STAMFORD was published by Nicholson Student Media on its website NSM Today for UCF by UCF on April 8, 2017.  Her story profiled our local writing group Writers of Central Florida or Thereabouts.

As the sun sets on a Wednesday evening, twenty-or-so patrons file in to a small Winter Park coffeehouse. The walls are lined with bookshelves and the ceiling is adorned with colorful lanterns. Fairy lights crawl up the cement walls and over the bar in the back of the performance room. The bartenders serve wine and lattes alike under the menu written on a chalk board with names like Best Boring Waffle and Vote for Pedro.

While there is usually a featured writer slated to speak on the schedule, a clipboard left on a table near the stage offers last minute sign-ups to anyone who wants to perform throughout the night. The writers range from UCF affiliates to complete strangers and patrons of the coffeehouse.

One may see retired UCF math professor Mike Taylor reading his own science fiction. Writing and rhetoric major Ross Ellison is developing his novel, and asks the audience for critiques on his characters. A young man in a hoodie who calls himself “J” requests no one takes his picture, joking he has some “alleged outstanding warrants or whatever.” J. Bradley shows off copies of his newest novel “Jesus Christ, Boy Detective”. Published writer Shasta Grant stays in the back of the room and reconnects with her old dance coach; someone she ran in to at the venue just by chance, as they haven’t seen each other in over a decade.

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Clinton, Trump Eye the Florida Prize

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Editor’s Note: The following story by Jeffrey Rembert was posted by FORWARD Florida on its website under Legislative on August 11, 2016.

Late-night comedians have spent the better part of the past decade and a half ribbing the Sunshine State’s electoral mishaps and for good reason.  Even our well-heeled counties have found ways to offer comedic fodder with voters misunderstanding the mechanics of voting and creating embarrassing delays in Election Day vote tabulation.  But comedy aside, based on the numbers and the state’s recent refusal to be labeled electorally either red or blue, Florida is the most important state in the upcoming presidential election.

Of the top seven most populous states, all but two have consistently given their electoral votes to the same party, election after election, since 2000. And of these behemoths of population and electoral votes, Florida and Ohio are the only states to accurately select the past four winners.  California and Texas?  Locks respectively in the Democrat and Republican columns.  New York, Illinois and Pennsylvania?  Though Pennsylvania claims diversity in its voting ranks, all three states have gone Democrat since 2000.

Florida and Ohio remain electoral powerhouses of no certain allegiance but one is more so than the other.  Read more →

Act Now: Hurricanes & Tropical Storms Affect Real Estate

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Editor’s Note: The following story by Jeffrey Rembert was posted by ESTATIVIZE on its website under Agents on August 27, 2015.

With Tropical Storm Erika on a projected path toward the Southeast United States, prospective property owners– residential and commercial– should note a moratorium will exist on the binding or increasing of insurance coverage if the named storm crosses a specific geographic boundary, or enters a boundary box, somewhere off the northern coast of the Dominican Republic. Another way of putting it, without bound insurance or with inadequate coverage, closings may be delayed, interest rates may be at risk and, in the case of a post-storm claim, insurance proceeds may fall short.

Why is a moratorium important to understand?

As a named storm enters the boundary box, as established by insurance carriers, the National Hurricane Center offers a calculated projection of its path. The margin of error can account for several hundred miles. But, as we know, insurance carriers and lenders are averse to risk. If a named storm is anywhere near – defined by entering the boundary box – owners can forget about binding coverage or increasing coverage over the short term even if the named storm is hundreds of miles away and unlikely to affect their property.

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